Dearest you,
I am finally here, expressing myself openly and completely to you. This is my first ever such letter and, mostly, is the last one too. I loved you no end since the day I saw you. What started as a mere attraction, came a long way before growing as love; deep meaningful Love. The first thing I noticed about you was your pretty smile and child like look; I still cherish those memories as my precious memories. Later I found so many attractive things in you, which probably I was searching in myself, I saw them in you. You were attractive, you were bubbly, you were spontaneous, you had sweet smile and yet I found you broken somewhere inside. I wished to help you but did not know how? Sadly you never let me come close enough to you emotionally, except for a few occasions. Probably I was also not able to fill the gap and to support you when you needed me the most. Whatever was the reason, result was the same – we were never close friends. This fact hurts me no limits.
I stayed in hostel during my MBA, as it was a residential course. Population of female members in our batch outnumbered male students. Though I was never famous among ladies, still they used to confine in me while discussing their personal matter. They felt quite comfortable with me… at least I felt it that way. No, don’t take it otherwise; actually it was all due to my hobby – palmistry. They used to come to me to share their problems. That level of comfort you never had with me. All I wanted to share your sorrows, your problems, your loneliness and to see you smiling like you used to smile earlier when you were younger.
Believe me; you have grown up far mature than your physical age. You smile a lot less these days. I request you to find someone with whom you are at ease and share a laugh more often. Your glow is reducing. You don’t want to see your reflection in Naina in the movie Kal Ho Na Ho, right? She had to learn back smiling like exercise… 1.. 2.. 3.. smile..! remember? Don’t let that happen to you ever.
I find myself being possessive about you and feel so bad that I am not able to exercise it even in the slightest manner. I felt jealous when you pointed out someone else as your best friend, I felt furious when you told me about your ‘love’, and I felt broke when you told me indirectly that I am just an acquaintance to you. I felt terrible when you visited my city for more than week and did not call me even once leave alone meeting. I cried inside me. Later, I recovered after struggling within. Later I found my love for you did not diminish any bit but grew more. I am happy with my one sided love. I understood after a long time, why do they say that Love is unconditional. Love can only be unconditional or else it becomes expectation. Yes, I join them, Love IS unconditional. It just happens and remains there.
I feel happy when I see you smiling, laughing and enjoying anything. I feel happy when I listen to you on phone, happier if I could see you along with listening. I keep trying to find ways to entertain you whenever possible. I have seen my day being better when I see you no matter for an hour or for a second.
Honesty and truthfulness to self, prompt me to write correct things here and hence I have to admit few things in front of you. First thing, you are not the first or only love of my life, there are more. There are always more love than one could have with one. There are many things/people that a person loves. Nation, family, job, lot of ‘first’ things/moments of life, self and other lovers too. Order of the above may change a bit from time to time, though not much. Also I have past too. Another thing, which I want to admit, might shock you and hence I wish to tell you that only when we meet face to face. Rest assured, I will admit it to you when right time strikes.
Have you ever felt being in love? I am sure you must have. Try to recall that endless joy when you accepted being in love for the first time, how strongly you wanted to share it with someone? Now put me in that position and you will realize whole purpose of this letter. This one is not to force you to love me but to express my love and to let you know about it. Nothing is expected in return, not even reply. Hence whatever comes, will be a surprising bonus to me.
You know something? Ending a letter or article or write-up or even blog is the second hardest thing; first is to start it…! First thing is done, second is remaining… what could be the best way? I think keeping it open ended would be the best. Second best would be to close it with a wish. I take the second one – May the Almighty give you immense joy and pleasure in your life and you always spread love and smile.
Cheers,
Me.
