धारा; The Flow.

It was just a regular day coming to a slow end, when I was coming back from office. I was a little early and the lights were still natural. I thought of roaming around in the society and feel where do I live? There was this group of kids playing, completely immersed in their own world. Playing, fighting, making up, enjoying... doing all what kids do. I stayed there and found it refreshing to watch them.

Then I saw few old people, from the generation of forties and fifties, going for their evening walk probably. They were also enjoying their own world, company of each other and a sense of completion of some mammoth tasks. Every single face has a complete story of mixed emotions and ups and downs. Interesting, yet may not be a part of this thought train.

I read something about observation without being judgmental. This is really a wonderful thing, a bliss. No judgement only valuable lessons. I felt it after my own observations and my own interpretation of it.

Those children, they are at the one end of the spectrum, one end of the joyful journey of life, one end of my observation and those old age people, they are the other end of that spectrum, journey, my observation. Both are in their own pursuit. Both are completely unaware that someone is watching their play full run, slow walk, giggle, smile, innocence, experience and getting wiser by a few more minutes. Just a few days back 

However, this observation made me a bit sad. though nothing unusual, many people watch many children and many older people together, many a times. Why did I see them differently? Because, I saw myself in mid of a river flow, crossing from one side to another and they formed those two sides, childhood and the old age.

This river of time flows just like any other river - unidirectional. It takes  me from one bank to the other one, from being a kid full of energy like the riven on the mountain, towards the big ocean, full of enormous, countless experiences.What I do in between makes all the difference. Those deeds only will shape, how will I be remembered, when my life's flow meets the ocean... the almighty. How small and humble we become when we see ourselves in front of grandness of nature, whom we can see, we can co-relate with. Probably it will be far more humbling an experience which our soul might feel when it becomes one with Him.. Isn't it funny that still we carry so much load of attitude, hatred, ego and almost never let ourselves go with the flow.

Flow... ya, coming back to flow of time, flow of life, flow of thoughts..

Not long back, may be just a few years ago, I went for white-water-rafting, up there in the serene, scenic, grandeur of the great Himalayas and in the lap of energetic, roaring Ganges. Probably, Nothing could come closer to that experience. It was a perfect analogy to the youthfulness of life and charming phase of it. I never thought I could go for 27 KM rafting, but when it got finished, I wanted more of it, I felt far more energy and enthusiasm in me. Now I need it more than ever ... again. 

Just like Ganges, or rather closer to the hearts - Gangaji; have come to the plains of northern India and so is my life. The flow has gone deep and silent on the surface. Still, at times, few whirlpools keep churning me and try to rip apart. but the whirlpools are just the symptoms, actual problem starts somewhere else and at even at some other point in time then the whirlpool itself. That block under the water might be the reason and the whirlpool could be the result.

Sometime back I found life closely related to the journey and now it seems resembling the flow... essentially, I think, there is no difference. Call it a flow, a river, a journey anything; all remains the same - an attempt to unwind and to understand oneself ... myself.

I, me, myself.... I , DCH, ZNMD.

I was touched, thrilled, excited, exuberant... multiple emotions raced through me when I first watched Dil Chahta Hai. Years back, during my MBA days. Fully aware and knowing that it was JUST one story nicely told, I was swept away with the charisma created in that moment... I was not alone, all 16 friends found themselves alone when we were walking out of movie hall. At least I felt so. For few moments there were none but only me (for everyone, I guess), thinking deep within. It would be childish if I start talking about what movie was about but somehow it was so strong that almost every single person could find himself or herself somewhere connected to it.

Yesterday, I felt the same set of emotions running within me again. I watched Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. Guess what, I just did not know how it was going to end, only a thought came to me that it should not end in any standard way where people live 'happily ever after'. I was wondering what next.. what next? and voila!! there it was.. end title! Movie ACTUALLY ended exactly where I would have loved it to.

I was so excited that I almost ran down the stepped hall to exit. I don't know about others (there were not many... less than 25 people in complete hall) but I was amazed with movie. To me, it was a perfect part 2 of Dil Chahta Hai. Reasons? ah... do I really need to discuss them?... now??? naa...!
Goes without saying, it has become one of my all time favorite list. Have you seen it? what is your reaction to it? NO.. not thoughtful analysis, not even review.. just what punched between your eyes. just like that. or it is just me, over excited about it? 

You know what makes me to connect with a movie, with a story, with anything for that matter?? it is what I see as a part of my own life. Not necessarily I should have lived it but may be even what I would love to be  part of, at some point in my life. Looks like these movie have smaller parts of me in their story, or probably their characters are carrying it, even better... I AM carrying smaller part of all those movies within me. A bit of Titanic, a bit of DCH a bit of Anand, a bit of 36 chambers, a bit of so many others...

Have you read 'The Alchemist' ?? guess you must have... (if not, sure you are missing some good read). That story also falls under the same category and I feel the best part is to understand the two sides of being at one place, simple changed in point of view (or the perspective) creates so much difference. "I am yet to decide if I am only two days away from my home or two days closer to my dream?" not exactly the same words, yet you would be able to recall it.

Am I alone to feel this way? I am ok even if I am the only one, but certainly it would be great to know otherwise. 

Again a bit abrupt end of blog. 

No, I have not stopped thinking, it won't happen. "I think, therefore I am". someone said years back and is so true with me. Problem remains with the conversion. I discovered something else in last few months... thoughts are not ONLY words or sentences roaming within the psyche space. At times they are so unclear and so much cluttered with feelings, emotions that giving them words becomes so difficult for me. At times thoughts are just feelings, some times not even feelings, just energy and in some rare moments .. the golden ones comes in the form of ... EMPTINESS; lit bright inside, while sitting on the rock on a sea shore, or on a high rise peek somewhere in the Himalayas, or while in train, traveling with myself............ no words, no sentences, nothing... just plain simple nothing!   

At times I become so eager to share all those, just don't know with who, when, how?