Hi,
Many a times I have read this in different ways – Live by Moments. And I have found myself struggling to understand what it actually means? Life is an excellent teacher. It teaches you what is needed and exactly when it is needed. And guess what? We grow in the overall process, without any additional efforts!
In last few months I went out and visited many (old and new alike) places in good company of friends and well wishers, had a gala time and laughed till the tears flown from my eyes. Stars seemingly started smiling at me and I enjoyed it thoroughly. I have lived best of the moments in my life and have felt a deep sense of living on the edge as well. These were the moments when I got that feeling of being on top of the world, so what if it was just a small world of mine.
Also, at times I felt so dejected that I just wanted to quit everything, every damn thing in life and just to go down hidden from the world, from people, from relations, from whatever. To go somewhere so deep that even I won’t find myself. But the impossible part is – how to hide from myself? I couldn’t do that and hence I came back to the grind. Struggle, thy name is life.
Struggle takes different forms and shapes for every single individual. For few, it might be at professional front, for few others, it might be at personal level, for few, it might be on emotional level or physical challenges to overcome. List could be never ending and sure, everyone finds his or her struggle to be the cruelest or THE most painful one. For me it is a marital issue, burden of a failed marriage.
Initial few years, since it all started, it felt like I am going through hell. Later slowly when I started to understand things in a broader perspective, pain went on easing itself. Now, though it is not yet fully resolved, I feel it lesser painful than the root-canal treatment I have been through couple of weeks back.
As you know, I have to travel a lot to and fro Bhopal due to my post marriage cases. This gives me long moments of pause and offers me a great opportunity to think. In all such journeys, I realized that what I remember about my life, when I start looking back on it, or what makes it a film flashing before myself are nothing but all these moments only… nothing more, nothing less. I remember that I had a great talk with my parents, I remember I had a great laugh when my friends creaked a joke, I remember when I tease my nephews and niece, I remember my clicks which people appreciated without any selfish intentions, I remember lot many such moments, but nothing between them.
I vividly remember every single moment of a birthday party which lasted almost overnight, but nothing about time I took to reach friend’s place or back home, nothing about taxi fare, grueling in train or about any other ‘regular’ stuff of life. As if I never lived them. I realized that I was living only in those moments. More such moments to remember; more I enjoy life. More I enjoy life; more meaning I could find of life itself.
However, it’s not always ONLY the bright moments, I do remember as clearly, internal fight within myself, or external fight with my (would-be-ex-)wife in court; arguments with my friends; leaving my only love on some turn of life; living in dark; weeping and crying sometimes. Fewer such moments are must in the life just to realize that how great were the other moments, which made my life worth living. Even day losses its meaning, when sun remains in sky all the time in polar areas. One must need a night to realize the true meaning of day. There is no meaning of life if I have not lived it in moments.
There was this horsefly, bothering a horse. When I tried to shoo it away from horse, the horse owner said – dear friend, please do not do that; this horsefly is the only thing which keep this old horse moving.
Probably crisis in life also does the same to us. We reach to a point when there is no positive motivation remains in life to move on. We reach to that Plateau, sooner than we could imagine in our teens or in early twenties; at least, it did happen in my life. She is playing the role of horsefly really well and has kept me ticking.
When I see my (would-be-ex-)in-laws in front of me, not ready to bend a bit to compromise. Most of the times, I fail to understand – are they getting moments worth remembering out of all this? If it is not, don’t they think of getting out of it any time? Some time I try to think from her side too. What she might be getting out of all this? What might be driving her? There is no clear answer to it. Had there been one, sure we could have solved this and could have moved on long back. Probably she might be thinking that time will standstill for them or for her; or may be a sadist pleasure that she could make my life miserable or to strand in middle of nowhere and still make me earn for them. But still one question remained unanswered – does she feels like she is actually living?? I mean, what will she do when all this gets over?? Cases will not last forever for sure. Won’t she start feeling dejected after all these?
All I could do is to wish her peace of mind and happiness too, which are far more important than fighting. I am sure; money is not the only thing which could make her happy.
Just a couple of things I would like to mention towards the end of this write up.
First – In one of the journeys to Bhopal I met with this stranger who taught me that there are no coincidences in life; that a person who is happy can’t hurt others and he/she emits happiness and positivity even to his/her enemies and slowly they turns as his/her best friends. This could be the only way to end the hatred.
Second – Few days back one of my friend sent me an SMS. It gave me more strength, probably he was not aware of my position yet it just suited. Here it goes – Every problem in life is like a race and its solutions are of two types: 1. Bhaag lo (run away); 2. Bhaag lo (participate)…. Choice is ours.
I AM participating!!
:-)
Cheers!
