shades

At times I wonder what is the fastest thing on the earth and even beyond earth? Science guys (I am no exception) mostly jump on the answer – light!! and yes they are not wrong in their answer, but then, I think there is something which is even finer and faster than light – THOUGHTS. They go everywhere and almost in no time. Debate could go on and on but my point is not to initiate a debate on this. Have you ever come across a point where you suddenly miss what you were thinking not days or hours but few seconds before? Or you miss which channel you were watching for last half an hour; while surfing channels merely for couple of minutes? It happens with me sometimes and then I realize that why did I miss these things; my thoughts in those seconds were wondering so fast that I could not catch them in a systematic way which we call as ‘Thinking Process’. Someone has rightly said about himself (but it applies to everyone who can) ‘I think, therefore I am’ and when my thoughts go beyond my capacity of catching them, I start feeling agitated, irritated and uncomfortable with myself. I came across the crossroad many times and every time found this kind of haphazard thoughts running across myself. Of course, I am talking about crossroads in life; on road my head remain far clearer. These days I am again facing tough time and this time I am left in the field and I don’t even have the crossing roads ahead of me. I am feeling more like lost in the ocean without a compass and thoughts are not only chasing each other but are creating a total chaos. What am I doing? What am I going to do next? Do I have any future? Will I be able to stand back and look into the eyes of life again? How? When? Yes, I know people out there have gone through far worse situations and have not only pulled up but also created history, few noticed by the world, lot more in their own world which none of the outside world will ever come to know about. That does not make their success inferior in tiniest sense of the word. All these known and unknown stories are the idol for me and I hope even I will be out of ‘चक्रव्यहू’ sooner or later. Question remains about how, when and at what cost? I know there is a philosopher in me which keeps popping out at times, especially when these random thoughts get within my reach and I manage to analyze them. This time I need him the most and he is not able to catch anything. In the movie ‘ तारे ज़मीन पर’, Nikumbh (Aamir Khan’s character) said that when you are in a good mood, hand will automatically pick the bright colors and when you are in a sad mood, hand picks dark and gloomy colors mostly. So some dark and sad shades are bound to be there in next few pages of my diary.